Zürich. Switzerland. Concerned about the possibility of the world coming to an end before Christmas comes around, Swiss retailers have already started commercializing holiday paraphernalia in September.
“At this point nobody can guarantee anything. We have always been a practical people ready to take on any situation. Here we go again – adapting to new realities. Judging by the way things are progressing, we can’t really know that there’s going to be another December. What are we supposed to do with all this premium Alpine milk chocolate? We already have underwear!”, local chocolate manufacturer Linda Lindt informed our reporter.
“We can accept the possibility of the world ending, however we must ensure we are financially prepared for it. This year has left its mark on various industries. We urge the population to show solidarity and start buying chocolate Santas as well as cute and useless decorations to clutter their home one last time as they wait for the apocaly…umm, Christmas. “, Branch Manager of Migros Zürich, Peter Sellers told our reporter.
The population seems rather alarmed by the stunt pulled by various shops and supermarkets. “It’s barely the end of September, I am mentally still dealing with the end of summer. Just the other day I’ve managed to successfully suppress all my emotions about not enjoying spring at all this year. Now I’m supposed to start thinking about the end of the world, umm, yeah, Christmas whatever.”, area woman Sunny Daisy Gunn cried out in dismay.
“I believe someone should have asked us if we were on board with this ludacris display at such an inappropriate moment. Would it have killed you to ask us if we were emotionally ready for hanged stockings?”, an anonymous aggravated passerby muttered under his breath.
Although the initiative to sell as much chocolate as possible before the world ends wasn’t met with a lot of enthusiasm by the population, we salute the entrepreneurial spirit of Swiss chocolatiers and accept any excuse to stuff ourselves with the world’s finest guilty pleasure. Just think about it, if the world ends, who’s gonna be able to tell that all those extra pounds are actually a direct consequence of unrestrained Raclette consumption?