The Recording Academy strongly recommends keeping your Grammy outside of your toilet bowl

Santa Monica, California. After unprecedented and unnameable events took place yesterday, the Recording Academy has issued a statement strongly recommending artists in possession of the coveted Grammy award to refrain from placing it inside their private toilet bowls and doing the unthinkable on them.

“Don’t even think about turning this into a trend, you undeserving, ungrateful, self-proclaimed geniuses or I’m gonna make each and every one of you join Nickelback! See who’s laughing then.”, the Academy’s director Singh Masong threatened the crème de la crème of the music industry.

We will follow up on this story as soon as more information is available. Currently, the situation is growing increasingly tense with 7 out of 4 artists fearing a forced collaboration with Nickelback. Until further developments are revealed, please know that if you find yourself going through a difficult time in your life and feel entitled to desecrate any of your prized possessions, there’s help on the way. Until it gets there take a moment to breathe and to reflect on the essential question:

What Would Yeezy Do?

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