Venus leaders activate emergency plan after being identified by humans

Venus. The Milky Way. Much to what would have been the late David Bowie’s dismay, scientists have uncovered potential evidence of life on Venus. Phosphine, a colorless, flammable, and explosive gas, was found to exist in the planet’s atmosphere. We understand phosphine as a sign of biological degradation of biomass, thus a potential sign of┬álife.

Venus leaders are mortified by the latest human discovery and are trying desperately to cover their tracks. Emergency plans have been activated and every cell, dead or alive, has gone into hiding. “This is not a test. I repeat, this is not a test. Have you seen what they’ve done to their own planet? Run, folks, run!”, the Venusian President XyzDelta3 urged the population on Tuesday evening.

The garrulous PH3 molecules have been taken into custody and are awaiting trial, as the amount of damage caused by having exposed potential signs of Venusian life to humans no less is immeasurable. Damage control plans have been activated and the population is trying its best to nip this discovery in the bud.

“Did you humans ever wonder why you’re the only ones trying to find life elsewhere? Do you see any other life form poking around in your business? And doesn’t that tell you something?”, were some of the questions that came in via anonymous message delivered by a supersonic interstellar pigeon.

Despite the Venusian population’s attempts to decoy human curiosity, we reckon it’s too late for them to undo this breakthrough. We know, guys and we’re sorry. Brace yourselves for impact. With us it’s always too late.

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