Zürich. Switzerland. Several herb and vegetable shops have alarmed the police on Saturday morning reporting multiple offenses perpetrated by an unidentified Caucasian female. Allegedly, the reported individual had bought potted basil in several shops, took them home, and either let them die a slow, painful death in a West facing window or chopped their heads off in order to satisfy her private culinary needs.
This information transpired in a conversation with a fellow buyer on Friday afternoon. Local shop owners were alarmed and several of them admitted to recognizing the buyer with the aforementioned behavioral pattern.
“I did find it strange that she used to come around every other day. Sometimes she would look at the tomatoes and garlic, but every single time she just ended up buying two or three pots of basil. I never thought someone was capable of such evil intentions. We’ve closed our shop for two days to honor the memory of the herbs that passed away.”, Rosemarie Busch told our reporter.
“She used to come into my store three times a week too”, Peter Silie, owner of Chrüterhüsli informed. “I should have known something was amiss when I saw her cross the street at a red light. I am so sorry I didn’t listen to my instincts and report her then and there. That’s how it starts. That’s how it always starts.”
The police are searching for a Caucasian female in her early 30s, auburn hair, hazel eyes, and a green thumb turned red. Whoever has any information on her identity or whereabouts is kindly asked to step forward. Apart from a small indoor herb garden, you will also be rewarded with a deep sense of self-righteousness, given you do not engage in jaywalking from time to time as well.