The USA meets National Weekly Unarmed Black Man Killing Quota earlier than ever

Minneapolis. Minnesota. And they did it again! This time the overzealous officers of the Minneapolis Police Department draw a lot of attention to themselves, after not only meeting, but exceeding the National Weekly Unarmed Black Man Killing Quota.

The officers, overwhelmed by nation-wide acclaim, hundreds of donuts delivered to their desks, and a huge bonus pending, took a few minutes of their valuable time to offer insight into their remarkable achievement: “We come from a long tradition of white Americans killing unarmed black men for no particular reason. It’s just part of who we are. Remember Trayvon Martin, the very recent murder of Ahmaud Arbery, or the classic shooting of Amadou Diallo by our fellow police officers from the NYPD? We salute you all! It was not easy to follow in the footsteps of such role models, but here we are! We did it!”

There are rumors swirling around that president Trump himself will visit Minneapolis later this week to shake the hands of these noble and highly motivated police officers. It is very likely he will decorate them himself with the White Hero of the Week Award.

The USA stands out internationally yet again for its progressive interracial policies, its incredibly straightforward and modern justice system, and overall humanity.

Our warmest congratulations on your achievement!

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