Foul play injuries drop sharply in the first weeks of socially distant football

Dortmund. Germany. Sports clubs reported that the number of on-field injuries since the Bundesliga football matches restarted on May 16 is on an all-time historical low.

The new rules have deeply impacted team sports: “Socially distant football has proved to be very advantageous for our players’ health and overall well-being. Having to keep a distance of minimum 2 meters at all times has reduced foul play related injuries. We have noticed that teams are shifting their focus towards fair play and reducing on-field drama such as ludicrous displays of physical pain in the style of Neymar Jr. Do you remember the 2018 World Championship? Luckily, Neymar went on to pursue an acting career after the controversial incident.”, Bundesliga President Horst Ballovski reported.

However, not everyone is as excited about the new rules in football. “It’s fairly hard to get the ball back from the opponent if you can’t get near him. Mind games only get you so far.”, Peter Langfuss, Borussia Dortmund’s superstar striker informs. “I hope we can get back to normal soon, stretching is great, but everything has its limits.”

Viewers and supporters seem to be enjoying the changes. “It’s like ballet for men. Awesome, dude! WOW”, an enthusiastic supporter screamed from the balcony across the street.

Sports clubs are expecting to revert social distancing rules by spring 2029. Don’t be sad, it’s only a matter of time!

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