Fremont County. Colorado. ADX Florence, the only federal Supermax prison in the United States, is home to Joaquín “El Chapo” Guzmán, one of the most brutal narco-criminals in history. Incarcerated in the United States since 2017, the ex-drug lord is not living through his first prison experience. He was arrested three times so far and successfully managed to escape in 2001 and 2015, by bribing prison guards and fleeing through an underground tunnel.
“Of course, I did not build that tunnel alone, but I was the mastermind behind the design, the implementation, and the execution just like I usually am”, El Chapo declared for our reporter earlier today. “Since I’ve been incarcerated in the USA I’ve had to slightly modify my business plan. Building escape tunnels is unfortunately out of the question here, but I’ve always been someone for whom the glass was half full.”
Returning to his first love for IT, El Chapo Guzmán decided to make the most out of his time in prison and built secure VPN tunnels for the prison network so that employees can easily work from home during the ongoing coronavirus pandemic. “I am worried about my new family. The guards, the people in the administrative departments, and the cleaning staff come out here every day exposing themselves to great dangers. My solution will keep them safe in the comfort of their homes while allowing them secure access to the prison network infrastructure and all the necessary information to ensure an uninterrupted workflow.”
The prison management is happy to see El Chapo’s resilience and resourcefulness, and expressed great interest in his tunnel building abilities. “Our IT guy has been down with a pretty bad flu, we can use all the external input we can get”, so warden Cloyd Barrs.
“When life gives you lemons, you make lemonade.”, El Chapo shared a moment of wisdom with our reporter. “The most important thing for all of us right now is to make sure that the prison staff stays at home. Meanwhile, you can count on it, El Chapo is working on a solution, cuates!”