Sunchon. North Korea. The Supreme Leader of North Korea, Kim Jong-un, resurfaced on May 1 in the city of Sunchon at the opening of a fertiliser factory, three weeks after intense speculation on the state of his health.
It appears that the Supreme Leader did not exile his disobedient heart to a labor camp, nor was he simultaneously both alive and dead as news outlets reported. Kim Jong-un simply went out to buy cigarettes and failed to inform his secretary about it.
“I report to no one, in case you were wondering”, Kim Jong-un informed The Morning Sunset after we reached out to him for comment. The Supreme Leader, the only free man in the state of North Korea, is also very proud of his special status: “I go out whenever I want and do whatever I please. If I want to take a plane to America to get a pack of cigarettes in the middle of a pandemic, that’s just about what I am going to do, peasants!”, Kim Jong-un educated our reporter. “You dimwits thought I was dead! LOL!”
It appears that Kim Jong-un also took advantage of his whereabouts to catch up with longtime friend Dennis Rodman and was, later on, spotted sipping some Hennessy with American despot Donald Trump. Sources say they had an amazingly good time laughing about the people who voted for them. They got along so well in fact that Mr. Kim gave the American president failproof advice on how to win the autumn elections. Undoubtedly, his advice was taken to heart, as President Trump invited Mr. Kim to spend a couple of weeks at his luxury residence in Palm Beach, Florida in order to absorb more of the North Korean Leader’s wisdom.
Eventually, the Supreme Leader decided to return to his beloved country, despite having an amazing time with pal Trump, in order to cut some red ribbon and the heads of those who were plotting to seize power in his absence. “If you want to do something right, you’re gonna have to do it yourself, won’t you?”, the Supreme Leader elaborated on the heavy burdens of tyranny.
We are relieved that Mr. Kim Jong-un did not walk out on the North Korean people and returned home from his exploratory errand. Some people never do.