Cambridge. Massachusets. Born out of the desire to adapt to the current lockdown circumstances, Harvard Law School has started awarding graduate-entry professional degrees in law based on the number of hours spent in front of the TV. There you have it, one of humanity’s most ardent dreams is coming true.
All you have to do is watch 999.9 hours of the courtroom dramas and/or police procedurals of your choice. The activity notorious for conjuring up feelings of guilt over wasting precious time, will not only make you burst with productivity but also fast-track your career. Harvard Law School strongly recommends focusing on 90s gems such as Primal Fear, A Few Good Men, Philadelphia – the classics. However, with flexibility at the core of Harvard’s adjusted values, there is no specific curriculum or mandatory classes only bound to bore you to death. Please be informed that there will be no exams and no need to hand in a dissertation paper in order to actually obtain your degree. You simply have to give the Harvard Law School administration access to your Netflix account in order to establish the number of movies you’ve watched. Sign up on their website, do the needful, and wait for them to get back to you.
Faced with heavy criticism from ex graduates who had spent several years studying hard and paying a colossal amount of money to obtain the same degree, the sovereign dean of HLS, Ph.D. Lex Loci declared “In novo casu, novum remedium apponendum est”.* Moreover, we are happy to inform you that the world-renowned University is working on a program to facilitate medical degrees to anyone whose writing is illegible.
Has any other pandemic been this productive? Don’t you feel like looking up to the skies and saying thank you? So. Much. Fun!
*lat. In a novel case, a new remedy must be applied.