According to Schrödinger Kim Jong-un may be both alive and dead


Vienna. Austria. A spectre is haunting the Planet – the spectre of uncertainty. According to quantum physicists though, this doesn’t have to be a bad thing at all! Over the past week, the entire world has been speculating on the North Korean Supreme Leader’s health. Rumors spread quickly and set the international press abuzz, making us question whether Kim Jong-un was still alive and kicking or actively contributing to the National Daisy Pushing Program. We are here for you, trying to cast some light on the world’s biggest present-day mystery.

“I, Dr. Boximer Katz, by virtue of the authority vested in me by science, do hereby inform you that Mr. Kim Jong-un, Supreme Leader of the North Korean Republic, is at this very moment in time probably both alive and dead.”, Dr. Katz, Professor of Quantum Physics at the University of Vienna confidently informed our reporter during our most recent interview. “Following in Dr. Schrödinger’s footsteps, we like to believe that uncertainty is not a bad thing. Pluripossibility makes our lives more bearable, more creative. Just embrace the unknown.”

Dr. Katz briefly took us through Dr. Schrödinger’s theoretical experiment which he referenced earlier: “The scenario presents a hypothetical cat that may be simultaneously both alive and dead, a state known as a quantum superposition. Don’t try too hard to understand it. Just be aware that Kim would totally love anything with “super” in it.”

We don’t know if Kim Jong-un will ever read this, if he is touched by the overwhelming wave of concern, if he will rise triumphantly from his silence putting the rumors to rest. Everything is possible until Schrödinger’s box pops open. And when it does, as the saying goes, he who’ll meows last, will meow best.

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