New York City. USA. The cast of NBC’s beloved police procedural and legal drama television series has been temporarily laid off in an attempt to cut costs amidst the economically harrowing coronavirus pandemic. The difficult decision comes after crime rates have dropped significantly in New York City over the past few weeks as a direct consequence of the general shutdown.
Honest citizens, as well as criminals and law offenders, have stopped their activity in an attempt to slow down the spread of the bug.
“We don’t want to expose ourselves to the danger of contracting the virus. Many of us have families back home and some of us even care for the elderly.”, Maxine Gunn, leader of the armed robberers’ union declared on Wednesday morning. “We recommend our members to stay home, enhance their baking skills, and polish their guns for better days to come. Fear not, they will come and the streets will be ours again!”, Maxine concluded on a much needed optimistic note.
Although the city who hasn’t napped since 1624 is more than ready to hit the hay, the current development has shaken the NYPD department to the core. “We haven’t faced such a low work volume since the popular series first premiered some 30 years ago.”, Lieutenant Anita van Buren informs. “We must make adjustments in order to survive and hope to be able to re-employ our crew as soon as this is over.”
The District Attorney’s Office also announced that its staff will be temporarily laid off for lack of funds and decreased activity. Assistant Discrict Attorney Abbie Carmichael declared that this does not come as a surprise and she is willing to cooperate with the state in hope that everything will go back to normal sooner rather than later. This new crisis comes on top of an already struggling Police Department. Since 2017, crime rates in New York City have been among the lowest of major cities in the United States.
District Attorney Jack McCoy was not available for comment. He is reportedly busy going through an avalanche of supportive letters from loyal female watchers pledging to take him in, pay his rent and offering much-needed services in times of pandemic, not all of which can be reproduced here. I mean, can you blame them?
This article was written in the loving memory of Jerry Orbach. You are deeply missed.