Measlestown. United Kingdom. After weeks of keeping mum about their stand on the current pandemic, anti-vaxxers have come out of hiding.
We are ready to bring our findings to everybody’s attention, Polly O. Myleetis, Facebook group founder and senior moderator of various Instagram comment sections announces. “After repeatedly flipping the coin and religiously reading the horoscope over the past few weeks we are ready to present our conclusions:
Intensive research and sustained efforts towards creating a vaccine against the coronavirus are responsible for a new wave of severe autism diagnoses, a surge in autoimmune diseases, and last but not least really, really bad spring weather. At the end of March when we should finally enjoy spring, we are kept indoors by chilly winds, incessant rain, and cloudy skies! Smh…”
“Everything has its limit. Irresponsible doctors, scientists, biologists, and epidemiologists need to stop their research immediately. It is the first time in history when we are presented with evidence that damage is done by simply trying to create a vaccine and not by administering it. We have reason to believe this research is disturbing the planet’s self-regulating rainbow crystal ciphered energies and the clouds are here to prove it.”, Rubella Wright, passionate restroom medical journal reader and advanced google search engine user, assures us.
“We have a holistic approach towards vaccines – doubtlessly, we hate them all. Instead of getting vaccinated or investing any energy in trying to create one, we recommend polishing wine glasses (no cheating, Louise!), chewing organic strawberry gum for 20 seconds while holding your breath (in order to increase lung capacity), and bringing small offerings to the planet’s self-regulating rainbow crystal ciphered energies (so that spring may finally arrive).”, Rubella informs.
“Moreover, we have reason to believe this whole pandemic was brought upon us by a mad scientist working in a laboratory somewhere in Polynesia. We suspect he was trying to find a cure against pseudo-scientific beliefs that increase closed-mindedness in direct proportion to the oral manifestation of the same symptoms.”, Daphne Terry, a free-time blogger and social media truther explains. “We are investigating the situation, reading the stars, and doing all we can so that people stay safe and informed even after their untimely deaths. That’s just how far our level of commitment goes.”