Pyongyang, North Korea. Not always among the most popular countries in the world, Noth Korea is gaining international recognition for the way it is handling the coronavirus emergency.
“Our nation has been on lockdown since around the year Trump was born. It is not uncommon though for the greatest nation on Earth to have such a big head start over capitalist countries.”, Kim Jong-un, clairvoyant Supreme Leader of the Democratic People’s Republic of Korea informs.
Displaying an impeccable record of 0 infected citizens, North Korea credits the much-coveted achievement to the natural course of events within its borders: “Nobody enters the country, nor leaves it without our knowledge, blessing, and constant supervision. Individual freedom has been shaped by an all-seeing, all-hearing state for decades and special diets are not unfamiliar to our citizens who understand frugality. If anybody, our nation knows how to obey orders and stop fumbling their cousins in bars in the midst of a pandemic. Should anyone dare to break the law, we have exemplary measures to ensure neither they nor their families have the chance to do so ever again. 100% success rate.”, Kim Jong-un, who confessed he’s rather be feared than redpected, told our reporters.
North Korea’s endurance, although frowned upon by the international community, is slowly gaining recognition, even praise, especially from Western nations crippled by the coronavirus pandemic. “We always knew you were closely and begrudgingly watching us.”, Kim Jong-un added.
The people of North Korea have expressed their willingness to share the nation’s virus-proof survival skills as soon as the international health crisis is over. Ideological workshops and seminaries are already being scheduled for late summer. To be able to enroll, however, the participants need to undergo a special 3-step cleansing program. The transformative strategy consists of public self-criticism accompanied by 3 mild to moderate whiplashes, producing an outstanding life-size oil portrait of the charismatic Supreme Leader, and bringing over as many 56oz. bags of peanut M&Ms as possible.