First-time visitor insists local authorities provide written proof attesting to Zermatt’s authenticity

matterhorn

Zermatt. Switzerland.  “There’s no way this place is real. Not one. Nil!”, first-time tourist Quinn Peaks exclaimed after spending a weekend in the unbelievable Alpine village of Zermatt. “This place is literally unbelievable: the wooden houses, the crystal clear valley, the Gorner Gorge and the wonderful small train that takes you up the mountain are all ingredients of an out of this world experience.

“It is really exceptionally hard to put into words the beauty that surrounds you on a sunny day among snowy-white mountaintops with all the world’s unnecessary noise brought to a halt.”, Ms. Peaks continues. “I am quite positive that somehow the inventive Swiss tweaked reality and combined all these elements into one. This is precisely why I am requesting written proof as to the authenticity of this place. I find it hard to believe, such majestic scenery actually exists and I remain hopeful that the authorities will be able to clarify my doubt while I slowly recover from a wonderful state of shock and disbelief.”

“Obviously, I knew the Matterhorn from my weekly doses of Toblerone and yes, right, geography class, but I came here without any sort of expectations looking to simply spend a lovely weekend far from the madding crowd. It was probably this lack of planning and stressing about it, which allowed me to fall in awe with this enchanting place of sublime natural beauty. Come to think of it, this makes no sense at all, it really can’t be real after all.”

Local authorities explain that Ms. Peak’s reaction is not an uncommon effect of getting to know the arresting scenery. “Many tourists and visitors request written statements regarding the authenticity of its splendor. It is just really hard to wrap one’s mind around so much overwhelming gorgeousness. We understand them and are happy to oblige. Applicants usually receive the written statements within three to five business days, depending on their country of origin.”,  Ursula V. Alais, Head of the Surreal Swiss Destinations Department, explains.

Quinn has informed The Morning Sunset that she is ready to return to Zermatt and hike beside the Matterhorn as soon as next weekend. “I simply have to make sure it is still there. This is all. Maybe this will help me believe, once and for all, that I wasn’t daydreaming the entire time. Upon my return, I will continue soliciting certificates of authenticity from several different places across the country. Take the Canton of Graubünden for example. Have you ever seen Caumasee? Does that place seem even remotely plausible to you? Right?! I didn’t think so! I’m telling you, written proof or not, there’s something about Switzerland and I am on to it. Doubtlessly, I will hang around just long enough to find out what it is.”

 

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