Zürich. Switzerland. After completing all the necessary steps for obtaining the legal residence and work permit in Switzerland, Nathan G. Shambles was denied a long-term stay in the Alpine country after using the letter “ß” twice in the same sentence on his application form.
“Switzerland and Liechtenstein, for that matter, banned the Eszett from the alphabet way back in 1934. It is unheard of to use this letter here. What did Mr. Shambles think? We write “Strasse” with double “s” just because we can’t locate “ß” on the keyboard?”, Mr. M. Rechtschreibung, Immigration Officer with the Zurich Bureau of Literal Offences declared for the Morning Sunset.
After intense efforts of locating Mr. Shambles, he offered us an explanation for this very, very costly faux-pas. “I really meant to do no harm. I found a job, I rented a flat and I applied for health insurance. I never knew about Literal Offences and how much they could set you back. Plus, honestly, I couldn’t wait to start my life in Switzerland and use this very special letter ‘ß’. It always seemed to be a sign of German’s imposing character.”
Unfortunately, Mr. Shambles is left with no further option than to leave the country after committing the unforgivable peccadillo. “I might just cross the border into Germany and settle down in Constance, a city that knows what it’s like to be refused by the Confederation!”
Before he leaves the country, Mr. Shambles, however, would like to clarify Mr. Rechtschreibung’s doubt: “No, I definitely did not think the Swiss were unable to locate ‘ß’ on the keyboard. I simply thought they didn’t care enough about accuracy in order to spell “Straße” right.”
Mr. Rechtschreibung upon catching wind of Mr. Shamble’s last commentary had a nervous breakdown and had to be taken into an Alpine Retreat Clinic. Following his comment, Mr. Shambles was permanently banned from re-entering the land of idyllic pastures, countless cheese variations, and (!!!) unerring precision.