Bern. Switzerland. Mr. Benjamin Wuf, Head of the Federal Department of Ridiculously Cute Canines, announced in a short press conference on Wednesday morning, June 26, a tightening of the inter-cantonal export regulations for Bernese Mountain Dogs.
“After careful consideration (and a quick referendum) we have come to the conclusion that Bernese Mountain Dogs should participate in a language or dialect class before being relocated to cantons outside of Bern. This helps improve dogs’ social lives, their ability to grow and develop within the dog and human community and why not, successfully participate in the Swiss Countdown Word Game.”, Mr. Wuf elaborated.
“It is only fair that these good-natured, sweet and loving creatures maintain their innate self-confidence by being given the ability to express themselves properly. You don’t want to put such majestic beings in a position where they are not able to understand their human companion, take commands or, depending on the circumstances, give commands themselves. It is uncomfortable enough that we humans are having a hard time understanding all the dialects of the language we conventionally refer to as German.”, Ella Caynain Ph.D. in Dog Psychology explains.
Four pups have already been enrolled in Züritüütsch classes where they will study the Zürich dialect for 2 months before being allowed to move to their new human companions across Bernese borders.
The unpronounceable Bernese greeting “Grüessech” is slowly starting to morph into the lighter Zürich version of “Grüzi” for Samson, Rex, Leika and Ramona. Next week the four pawed Smartipants are scheduled to analyze works by Gottfried Keller and Jeremias Gotthelf, classes over which they already expressed a great deal of woof-woof-xcitement.