After passing the abortion ban, Alabama pledges 12 months of paid parental leave, free psychological counseling for abuse victims


Montgomery. Alabama. Alabama Gov. Kay Ivey has signed an abortion ban into law just last Wednesday, 15 May. According to the new bill women are obliged to carry  to term pregnancies that may have been the result of rape, incest and other forms of abuse, should these pregnancies be viable. Not only women with unwanted pregnancies have been targeted, but the doctors who are willing to end such pregnancies are expected to serve a life sentence.

Gov. Kay Ivey explains that among the main motivators for passing this ban is the growing concern over the decreasing number of child brides in the state, but also a lack of highschool students who could participate in future school shootings.  “These dynamics have brought upon us a lot of sleepless nights. We must step in and take matters into our own hands before it is too late and there are no more unwanted children born to financially, emotionally and physically overwhelmed parents! It is important to remember that after passing the anti-abortion  law, we are also working on bettering our support systems for future parents. To begin with we ensure 12 months of paid parental leave and offer free psychological counseling for abuse victims. It’s not like we’re hypocrites. We really have to make this work! Do we want our guns to go unfired? Do we want our nation to be taken over by Muslims?! Africans?! Mexicans?! Breed, People! For Chrissake…”, Gov. Ivey concluded by rolling her eyes at the lack of social and political engagement of the average American.

Additionally, it has been reported that social workers are creating the required infrastructure and already employing the necessary resources for at least two conferences: “Rape is dope” and “Your life, my choices – A matter of perspective” are set to take place in Montgomery early next month.  “We hope to offer more clarity to those who for mysterious reasons still think they have a say in their private matters. Of course, it is well known that banning abortions only means women will go to greater lenghts to get them, endangering their health and ability to have children later on. Their lives also matters, just … less.”, Gov. Ivey informs. “[Insert senseless rambling containing keywords:  State, Great, Again, Life, God, Human Life Protection, Blessed, Low IQ.”


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