Planet Earth. A.D. 2019. Having managed to protect quite a bit of the world’s population from itself after bravely standing up to the big bad pharmaceutical boogie man, anti-vaxxers are ready to take on a new level of their selfless mission to save the world.
“We recommend every PC, laptop, tablet or mobile phone user to immediately stop installing antivirus software on their devices and uninstall every single item of such devilish tools. Somewhere on the internet, I read that this type of software is actually harmful to your device and does not protect it from cyber attacks, viruses, hacking, phishing, etc. Big corporations sell you the antivirus software with the intent to make your device explode after 4 months of usage, rather than protect you from harmful intruders. We recommend everybody to stop supporting these profit-oriented companies from hell and trust your device’s own ability to fight off IT world pathogens. By virtue of the authority vested in me by Google Search Engines, I urge you to stop and think about the repercussions of installing such software.”, Richard “Dick” Smallpox, leader of the Anti-Vaxxer community in Portland, Oregon urges the world’s population.
“I had three children, one of whom reached adulthood and is still doing fairly well.”, Densirée Wooden, mother of 1, Anti-Vaxxer and Anti-Antivirus-Militant, shares her concerns. “I’ll be damned, if I lose my only surviving child because of the antivirus software installed on his computer. I heard Dick Smallpox yesterday on TV saying that this kind of software is extremely dangerous, makes your eyes and brain shrink and causes your fingers to melt. We must stop this madness. The world is a mean, mean place and we are so exposed to the arbitrariness of medicine, science, technology. It is unbelievable.”
“We are planning to organize a conference and spread this information in an attempt to expose what many companies struggle to keep hidden. How many people did actually walk into the ER with the sensation that their fingers were melting or expanding, a sensation that was NOT caused by LSD tripping, but by using computers with antivirus software installed! Quite similar to pharmaceutical companies that keep the known cures for Diabetes or even Cancer under wraps, trying to reduce the number of people who would actually boycott and ruin their business once such information got out, IT companies want to keep you in the dark about the benefits of surfing freely without antivirus software installed. How would they make their money otherwise?”, Richard Smallpox explains.
“There is no doubt in my mind that thousands of years of scientific medical research and understanding, as well as internet things technology development cannot compete with the enlightening information that can be obtained from an antivirus free computer with a Google search engine installed. They want to silence, rebuke and attack us, but we and possibly some of our children, will prevail”, Sandy Hooked, member and co-founder of Them Against Us Conspiracy Theory Association declared earlier today for The Morning Sunset.
Upon further inquiry Sandy could not elaborate on who THEY are and just assumed that “we” and “you know”.
Well, we don’t, Sandy, but please, don’t explain.