Bewildering Gardenia left to fend for itself in a room full of succulents

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Barcelona. Spain.¬†Blessed are the successful keepers of Gardenias, for theirs are the keys to the garden. I mean, come on. These plants are impossible. Yes, maybe they need more water than whatever is left in your glass every other week or dunno, maybe they are chatty plants who need entertainment or maybe, just maybe, they really only want to mess with your head. Be that as it may, their needs are beyond any normal human’s ability to meet them: select a site with full sun to light shade, make sure the soil is moist and well-drained, damp but not soggy, add organic-matter (what is that!?), etc. Most people have stuff to do that leaves little to no time to keep the Gardenias’ soil moist and its ph acidic.

On the other hand, look at succulents! There is no better houseplant in the world. None. Zero. Do they cry for water every two minutes? Do they need to talk about invisible parasites taking a nap on one of their leaves? Do they reproach you silently for not being able to stop the changing of the seasons? You may have guessed it: No. They plug away at their existence with quiet dignity, impressive autonomy, never whining, never batting an eye. What beautiful, self-controlled creatures! The very Marcus Aurelius of the vegetal kingdom.

Let’s hope Gardenias will slowly catch up. You tropical nightmares, you delicate terrorists, you prima donnas of sunny, but not too sunny living rooms – you get a grip! And by the way, please stop selling these at Ikea. I mean, doesn’t the fact that you buy them there mean they will live long and prosper in your home? Yeah, just stick with the mugs.

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