Martorell. Catalonia. Spain. After releasing the market classics SEAT Ibiza, Arona, and Tarraco, the Spanish automobile giant is planning a new stunning model for customers who value safety above everything else. The automobile will be revealed to the public this Tuesday, January 29, and is expected to cause a frenzy most of all among wives, mothers, and girlfriends with a tendency to stress over their loved one’s well-being. The new SEAT CUIDADO is designed for increased safety, limited speed capacity and an intelligent adaptive system that warns about potential threats, especially those generated by other drivers.
Additionally, the new SEAT CUIDADO has an inbuilt device that gently slaps your hand when trying to grab your mobile, an anti-wifi router that disables any connectivity while driving and brakes that auto-activate whenever the color sensor spots a yellow or red traffic light.
“You are basically unable to text while you drive, speed irrationally or break most of the traffic rules”, Atención Chauffeur, CEO of the Spanish automobile giant informs.
“This seems pretty boring, Atención”, what does this model bring to the table to compensate for all the fun stuff you can’t do while driving?”
“It preserves your life, to begin with, so you can have some real fun later after you get from A to B with all your limbs in place. Apart from that, it also has an inbuilt software that allows interactive swearing. This groundbreaking technology supports your attempts at creating new swearwords. It even interacts with you while doing so, as it offers suggestions and rates your linguistic versatility with zero moral judgement, coño.”
“This car is also extremely dog-friendly and has an extra comfortable back seat with a dog adapted safety belt, it makes your dog look cute and super educated. You love it. They love it. It’s a win-win situation. We have tried to adjust the car in order to make it cat-friendly, but they just pee all over it and try to make sure it knows who the boss is. It’s a car! But then again, communication with cats is generally limited. And we don’t negociate with terrorists on general principle.”
The new SEAT CUIDADO will be revealed this morning after specialists have assured the public with rave reviews that it is the safest, nicest and best car you can possibly purchase.
Written by Ana-Maria Taut for Anonymous.