Beijing. China. We know for sure one leader is going to be happy!
Four years after it was first reported that China was hiding its submarines in the South China Sea, it seems that scientists have traced back increased sea levels to this very same incident.
“It is not easy to live so close to Russia and North Korea”, Chinese Minister of Defense Sum Ting Wong declares. “Yeah, we make nice, but make no mistake, we know very well who we’re dealing with.”
Apparently, some internal issues have been caused after the disclosure of the submarines’ location disturbed global indifference on Sunday morning. “I told my colleague Dim Wit to distribute the submarines better. I told him to direct some to the East as well, but he didn’t want to listen.”
Other nations are receiving the news with a lot of excitement! “It was clear from the get go, that global warming was a manipulative strategy to keep our focus from what’s really important. Now that we know for certain that all of this was a lie, we can go ahead and live our lives free of segregated garbage. Christ! What type of racist garbage world do we live in anyway?”, Red Neck, a supported of the American Conservative Party states, shooting his gun in the air from increased levels of excitement.
We’re still waiting for Donald Trump to make a statement. Bets can be placed already on what statement that would be.
We’re gonna go with “AI TO YU SO”.
Written by Ana-Maria Taut, based on an idea by Anonymous.