Oxford. United Kingdom. British scientists have released a report of the unwelcome truth that most of us came to intuit over time.”Every week for 24h straight, there is a natural phenomenon that cannot be eluded. Most humans refer to it as Monday although in certain parts of the world the signifier may vary. The concept, however, is the same: a vicious time when all hopes and dreams of the weekend are washed away by the cruel reality of the workweek”, Susan Sontag, Time Specialist and Weekday Researcher explains.
After careful scientific observation, we have come to the conclusion that this period of desolation occurs every 7 days and lasts a total of 24 hours, 8 of which you sleep. If you are lucky. “Since the beginning of time, there have been days of rest and days of … less rest. Monday belongs to the latter category”, Trey O’Clock, Time Management Director of the Oxford Institute for Monday Research, informs. “Much as we tried to bend time, in most of the cases it seems very troublesome and cost-inefficient. Of course, there are ways and if you are interested you can read about it in the Monday Research Paper that comes out … you guessed … next Monday!”, Ph.D. Cronos Papadakis announces.
Despite the bad news, scientists do point out that there is hope and a way to deal with the 24 hours of weekly dread, namely to drink high-quality coffee, practice Stoicism, go for a run and keep in mind that everything is temporary. Even Mondays.