Barcelona. Spain. There is a Christmas tradition in Catalonia, that requires children to take care of this really cute log, the Tió de Nadal, during the month of December. They cover him up with a blanket, give him treats and water. Then on the 24th or the 25th of December they turn on him, beat him with sticks while they sing songs about beating the log with sticks. The goal of the beatation is to get the Caga Tió to defecate presents, especially sweets and other goodies that the kids get to eat afterwards. Everyone is happy. Except the half dead Christmas Logs of Catalonia.
“We are dealing with a type of abuse that’s deeply embedded in the local culture.”, Log Equal Rights Expert Woody Quarrelson. “This is why it is realistic to say that it will take some time to make people understand that hitting logs so that they defecate presents is not the best behavioral pattern that they can establish for their children. Without realizing, they are sending the message that it is okay to hit inanimate objects in order to get what you want.”
Mr. Quarrelson reportedly bought all the Tiós in Catalonia in order to protect them from the aforementioned abuse and intends to release them only upon solmn promises from children and parents, that under no circumstances will they put the logs in harm’s way.
Studies show that the Tiós de Nadal that do make it alive after the beatings, suffer from post traumatic stress disorder and are hospitalized two to four weeks in the public sanitary system. “Enough said”, Mr. Quarrelson goes on. “A time has come to stand up for Wood Rights and this is a perfect place to start. With children, with our future leaders. Christmas is a peaceful time, a time for generosity, forgiveness and inner balance. Log violence must be reduced in Catalonia for the sake of promoting the real values of Christmas as a Christian holiday.”
After hearing the news all Caga Tiós started smiling and were really, really happy to spend the month of December surrounded by kids in peaceful cohabitation. They even offered to do the dishes as a sign of gratitude. Willing to put all hard feelings behind and make the most of the winter season, the Caga Tiós have started to spread the holiday cheer. All of them promised to try and defecate as many sweets as possible and not to let any single child down.
A survey also shows that children and parents are willing to stop beating the Caga Tió and in some cases they even vowed to stop singing funny songs ordering the Tió to ..you know…produce the goodies.
After such a successful intervention Woody Quarrelson, decided to return to his homeland, t.e UK, before they start requiring a Visa from their own subjects. Woody is ready to take on bigger challenges such as saving pine trees from being cut each year for a few days of human gratification.
“There is no doubt in my mind that this will be really challenging, but if I can persuade kids to stop beating down logs, maybe I can do the same with grown-ups. In for the penny, in for the pound.”
We are wishing you well, Woody!