Bored to death children of melophile parents elaborate plan to escape concert hall during intermission


Barcelona. Spain. Many are the woes of childhood, but none as unbearable as boredom, and nobody seems to understand this better than children of melophile parents.

“For every letter of the alphabet, there seem to be three composers. Or four!”, little Wolfgang Amadeus Martorell, 9,  complained. “It is neverending! I want to play SuperMario Bros.”

“I have to attend classical music concerts on a weekly basis when I could just play with my friends, watch TV or even do my homework instead!”, Johann Sebastian Boix, 12, cried out.

“With Christmas music already being performed in concert halls and churches all over town, not to mention Händel’s Messiah oratorio looming over our heads, filling us with a sense of impending doom, I and my friends want to send a message to all children out there exposed to the sacral beauty of classical music: Hold on. Don’t lose hope! There is a way out! Literally”, Piotr Ilyich Toset, 7, revealed.

The kids have a plan to escape the next concert during intermission. “The meeting point is the third exit to the left. We have distributed maps and compasses to all the children impacted. “At exactly 20:45 you will need to go to the restroom. At 20:50 the doors will open as the intermission begins, and we will be able to run free into the street and play!”, Gioachino Rossell, 14,  informed with light in his eyes.

“They don’t plan to stop at escaping and listening to rock music, like any other normal child in this world. My friends’ next step is to change their names from Johann Sebastian, Georg Friedrich, Franz and Bela to Freddy, Axl and Meat Loaf.”, Clara Sermann, 8,  disclosed. “I’m pretty fine with sticking to Clara, though. She was really cool. Apart from breaking Brahms’ heart, you know. But then maybe we would not have had those four wonderful symphonies, would we?”

Written by Ana-Maria Taut, based on an idea by Anonymous.

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