Studies show that 8 out of 10 pieces of furniture prefer hurting the pinky toe

Barcelona, Spain. Ever stubbed your toe in the comfort of your own home? When you least expected it? When everything seemed to be going right for you?

British scientists have conducted a survey among a series of different pieces of furniture, in an attempt to establish their toe preference and the root cause of their mal-intent. Among the interviewees, there have been chairs, bookcases, drawers, cupboards, coat racks, armchairs, and of course, tables.

“The study was fueled by a desire to protect humans from the seemingly arbitrary malice of furniture. Domestic life seems pretty harmless, right? Wrong. An average of 3000 citizens die every year as a consequence of home injuries. That is 100% loss of life for each fatal victim.”, Doctor of Engineering Ike Kea reports.

An interesting insight into the psychology of couches was provided by Mr. Chester Field, a sturdy and imposing individual.

“I sit at home all day, most of the time alone. Sometimes I am left on my own the whole weekend and on occasion entire weeks of stuffy, hot summer. Nothing ever happens to me. So, yes, every now and then I try to laugh at my human’s expense. But I don’t mean to really hurt him. Okay, maybe their pinky toe. A little.”

“Pieces of furniture seem not to realize the kind of pain they inflict upon humans when they decide to go in for the pinky toe”, Ph.D. Ike Kea continued. “Some of them expressed a desire to hurt their human’s arms or legs, but the whopping majority voiced a preference for the pinky toe. Their behavior seems to be motivated mainly by boredom and lack of occupation. At the end of the day, who likes to be simply passed by without leaving a mark of sorts? We suggest trying to talk to your furniture every now and then, just the way you do to your pets or plants. Say thank you on occasion for the service they provide and you just might live longer with your toes intact-ish.”

Written by Ana-Maria Taut, based on an amazing idea by Anonymous.

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