Madrid, Spain. After a few insanely hot weeks, the Spanish politicians decided to interrupt their vacation and dedicate their time to making a new set of laws. The new legislation is meant to discourage the use and abuse of signing off letters to friends and family with “warm greetings” or “warm regards”. The Spanish authorities are set to criminalize the sending and receiving of “warm greetings” throughout the whole territory, including the Canary and Balearic Islands and Ceuta and Melilla.
Politicians also strongly encourage former colonial Spanish territories to adopt the regulation in order to stop the warmth from spreading. “We have about as much heat as we can take”, says Spanish prime minister Pedro Sánchez, “sometimes more!”.
The Spanish authorities also appeal to the citizens asking them to participate in the elimination of the unwanted greeting and lead an Eco-friendlier life. “There is no doubt that global warming is a very serious issue. We need to make sure we take all the measures we can to slow this process down, even to revert it, if possible. People everywhere are encouraged to recycle, keep their waste and consumption level to a minimum, and please, for the love of God, to stop sending warm regards to one another. Meteorologists have shown that every time someone writes down the words we do not speak of, a polar bear cub goes to bed hungry. Who wants to have that on their conscience?”
It is still uncertain what type of punishment the Spanish will face in case they choose not to obey. “They will need to relocate to Andalusia for the summer months, where they will catch fish for the hungry polar bears or deliver Mojitos to people afflicted by the heat, plant trees, build ventilators, something along those lines. It’s still a work in progress, but they will pay, no doubt about it.”, the spokesperson for Spanish Thermal Affairs Oscar Luis Solecito assured the press on Wednesday.
Until then make sure you stay indoors, think of teddy bears and drink lots of water.