Cornella de Llobregat, Spain. A series of mysterious deaths in the suburbs of the Catalan capital has called the attention of local authorities. Around February several baristas at a local coffee shop started falling dead at work, with numbers increasing throughout the following months. Mortified by these events the police started investigating.
Pressured by public opinion and the fact that there was no decent coffee to be bought anywhere, the authorities carried out an investigation with surprising results. After close observation, the unlikely culprit was exposed.
The police noticed that the root cause of the issue was actually doing a decent job of properly pushing the plastic lid all the way down on the coffee cups. “While careless baristas would go about their day undisturbed, the ones who would actually mind closing the coffee lid properly to avoid IV and III degree burns to the customers’ skin dropped dead as soon as they completed the respectful act”, a spokesperson for the local Catalan police, Des Cafeinado, reported.
It does seem like there is a clear and straightforward answer to the eternal question: “Would it actually kill baristas to push the mother flipping lid all the way down on your cup to avoid burns, damaged clothes and a growth spurt in one’s swearword vocabulary?”
The unequivocal answer is yes.