The European General Data Protection Regulation is set to protect citizens from ever finding out who their personal data is leaked to and why


Brussels, Belgium.  Two years after the General Data Protection Regulation entered into force on the 24th of May 2016, the regulation is ready to become directly applicable in all member states of the European Union and the European Economic Area.

The regulation does not require national governments to pass any enabling legislation and is directly binding and applicable, so that no EU citizen ever need worry about finding out uncomfortable information about whose political campaign their leaked information really ends up supporting, for example. 

Of course, not only political ends are served by forwarding personal data to third parties. Economical and social use can be made of it too. “There are quite a few areas your private information can help improve and boost, even. The main thing is to avoid getting too upset about it. It is not advisable to stir unnecessary conflict, thus we have created a law to protect our citizens against ever finding out who their personal information is leaked to and why”, the spokesperson for the European Parliament informed on Thursday. “Trust me, it’s better this way.”

“Basically everyone will have to participate in a short training at work and be bored out of their minds for about half an hour. Most employees should already know how to handle that, though”, the CEO of Minds over Matter said.

There has been little protest from the European citizens in respect to this regulation. The population agrees that what you don’t know, can’t hurt you and just wants to click really fast through the many emails flooding their inbox so that they can skip to the fun part of checking their Facebook feed.

There will be a party, naturally, in order to celebrate the fundamental human right to ignorance. Since Mark Zuckerberg said he was sorry for what happened in the Cambridge Analytica affair, and he was supersincere, and like, supersorry, the European politicians decided to wave the white flag and invite him. Holding grudges causes cancer, they say. Plus, for sure someone will bring up the royal wedding. There’s enough small talk material there for a whole continent.

Donald Trump sends his warm regards and is sorry he won’t be able to make it. He has not reached his weekly quota of pep talking himself in the mirror and can’t miss another session.

Again, nobody thought of Kim Jong Un. What can one expect from capitalists?

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