London. UK. British scientists have officially confirmed that which every sensible human was already aware of. Following a study spanning over two decades, it has been firmly established that repeatedly pressing the button on public transportation before the vehicle has even made it into station, increases the arrival speed by 72%. On average, extra nervousness and impatience make up for another 15 %. You’ll get wherever you want to be simply by continuously pushing.
‘Remember it is important to start pressing the buttons before the lights go on. Thus the system will understand your desire to speed up the process and hurry you to your destination. It may or may not be the next station’, British researcher Ph.D. Tardy informs our reporter.
‘It’s a small trick we all seem to have had in our blood long before fancy scientists (recently divorced from the European canon, no less) confirmed its efficiency’, daily commuter Ms. Waits, commented on a post by The Morning Sunset this afternoon.
When asked about the methods used to arrive to the aforementioned conclusion, British scientists advised the media that it was mainly common sense, an educated guess, and a fair amount of stout. ‘Hey, nobody really pushed our buttons for expedition, so we just enjoyed the ride. Cheers!’