‘From A Room: Volume 2’ may be closer than we think with fresh symptoms of heartache intensifying in the Stapletonian chest cavity. Area woman, Audrey-Anne Truman, reportedly backed out of marrying the country superstar after he proposed to her over the weekend.
‘I was on YouTube, reading through the comments to my song ‘Your Man’ and there was this really, really special lady who wrote a couple of words, they resonated with me, you know? I was won over by their simplicity. She said ‘Marry me, Chris’ and I just knew, I knew I had to do it. So I called her up and we met the next day. Everything was awesome. She told me upfront she had a problem, but it ain’t like what you think. She said she drinks because she’s lonesome or lonesome because she drinks, I am not sure, but hey, I told her to fire away, and that’s all that I’ll say about this for now.
We were Vegas-bound the next day, when she just got out of the car and walked into the cornfield never to return. She left me there with a whole lot of whiskey and no you if you know what I mean. Why would anyone do such a thing?’
We managed to reach Audrey-Anne and ask her why she had to go and break Chris’ heart. Her honesty was disarming: ‘I never thought he would actually do it when I left that comment. It was all a huge misunderstanding. I wanted to meet him mostly to have a sip of that Tennessee whiskey of his. Not so much into strawberry wine, though, so I thought I’d split while it wasn’t too late. Trust me, when his new record comes out, you’re gonna stand on this porch and thank me.’
Later when trying to reach Chris again, the call went straight to voicemail. The welcome message had been already changed to: ‘Seen my share of broken halos, folded wings that used to fly, they’ve all gone wherever they go, broken halos that used to shine.’
Seconds later the whole office burst into song: ‘Don’t go looking for the reasons, don’t go asking Jesus why, we’re not meant to know the answers, they belong to the by and by.’
Pretty much it, folks. Pretty much it.