The neverending soap opera


Neither Bastian, Falkor, nor Conchita would have ever imagined such contender to the title of their story. Unlikely, but true, a regular dishwashing liquid bottle showed its rougher edges after having been already one month in use.

Its owner reports: ‘I’ve been using it at the usual pace, washing plates, pots, cutting boards, backstabbing knives and glasses. When left with what I thought to be just a little liquid at the bottom, I flipped the bottle so that the rest would easily squeeze out, right? Wrong. Days passed without any of the drops being the last. Already worried, I bought a brand new bottle and poured the content of the old one into it. That was a five days ago and I’m still left with stuff in the old container.’

Other people in the area reported similar phenomena. It looks like the bottles have gone on a strike in reverse. ‘They just don’t reach the end of life stage meant for each and every one of them’, an observant neighbor reports.

We believe this attitude to have become very popular among dishwashing liquid bottles. ‘All it takes is one of them to instigate the others. One rebellious cell with an ideal and there you go’ an expert in plastic bottle insurgency clarifies.

Why is this a problem? For many reasons. The industry will suffer, unemployment  expects many of the hardworking people and one is stuck with the same obnoxious artificial lemony smell for a lifetime. We don’t want that to happen.

In order to avoid aforementioned social disorder, a sign language has been developed to communicate with the bottles in an attempt to find out what it is that they want to achieve with this explicit passive aggressive behavior. Results so far show that the seemingly harmless plastic bottles have developed a sense of self and refuse to be exposed to existential emptiness after each human use. When asked if they stand up for plastic bottle rights, the little cuties all answered ‘yes’ by releasing two drops of their inexhaustible resource.

‘Also, we’re pretty sick of you turning us into stupid toy vehicles for environment conscious two year olds. It is demeaning and in complete discrepancy with our purpose. We say ‘no’ to that!’, the bottles snapped while simultaneously releasing one drop each.

The scientific community, including NASA climate change researchers, has been allocated a budget to investigate the unsettling development. ‘Everybody is working on a solution to revert plastic bottles’ consciousness or at least to find ways of using it to the benefit of human beings. They make pretty darn nice car toys after all’, lead investigator reports.


Written by Ana-Maria Taut with the respectable contribution of A. de Oliveira

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