Dogs against terror: Humans should be microchipped too!

As news about the imminent microchipping of human beings becomes more and more frequent, a voice from the animal kingdom arises to open our eyes on its benefits to the fight against terror. Seizing the opportunity to withhold attention upon their civil liberties issues,  dogs around the world voice their claims through a press release signed by the International Dog Association All Dog`s Lives Matter:

We, dogs of the world, have served you, the people,  for thousands of years and are prepared to continue doing so for all eternity, or until some violent change in evolution will dictate otherwise. Besides harassing cats, this is our most solemn duty. We have accepted that you, the people, in the attempt of limiting our stray population, should microchip us. It doesn’t bother us,  quite the opposite, please do continue research in matters of limiting pain and intensifying psychological support on our team visits to the vet. And yet while we don’t protest against microchips, why should you? Over the past few years great  progress was made in terms of dog freedom and liberties, but on a larger scale we still feel discriminated and patronized. It would be a  fine example of  solidarity, to accept microchipping, while also considering its benefits in the fight against terrorism. With many of us fallen, terrorism is our problem as well. Oh, how we would like to bite guys like that, if only we could locate them. Until we shall sniff the scent of terror, it is important that authorities know the identity, whereabouts and other crucial information on every human being. If our proposal is  faced with resistance, there will be consequences. – alerts the IDA.

So far the public opinion is favorable towards the microchipping of humans. Here are some reactions from social media platforms:

  • As non-human persons, dogs should have all the rights and obligations we have. And vice-versa –  a human rights activist voices his opinion
  • Oooh, look at them speak and articulate woo0rds! They are sooo cute – a hairdresser exclaims
  • Yes, it is a good idea but it can be improved. The chips could work as a freezing device activated by a remote controller. As humans prepare to bomb something, a button could be  pushed  that would  freeze them instantly. Well, not freeze, but more like give them a sudden heart attack – a doctor tweeted

Surprisingly, there were also reported opinions from government officials from the U.S., Russia, China and even Hungary that also embrace the idea of heart-freezing human microchips.

The microchipping of humans might be the most efficient way of fighting terror. It might as well be the only way. The chip will be one of the sacred duties as a citizen or as a visitor to our country. Whoever doesn`t comply will be shot from a distance, the way they do it on Animal Channel. It is a generous idea which proves once more that the dog truly is man`s best friend! –  Robert Krudowsky, military strategist,  political alt-right blogger, conspiracy theory enthusiast and Trump supporter, declared for our magazine.

Written by Lucian Cozma, edited by Ana-Maria Taut

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