Exclusive interview with a 2016 survivor

Doubtless, 2016 has been a rotten one. While claiming numerous famous lives and even more anonymous ones, it has left many of its survivors devoid of motivation or outright dead inside.

We are here today talking to Emily Jones, one of the few survivors of this challenging season.

‘It’s been a killer year, John. I’m so thankful I made it eventually.’

‘Emily, tell us your secret.’

‘There’s not much to tell, John. I just woke up every morning and nobody blew me up while I was waiting for the tram. Then time just passed and we are here among the lucky few.’

‘Any thoughts on staying positive? How’s that lemonade sipping going?’

‘John, Mariah Carey doesn’t know the lyrics to her own songs and Robbie Williams cleaned his hands with sanitizer after touching his fans. From where I stand, we’re gonna have to do better than lemonade in 2017.’

‘How do you feel about the Istanbul attack on new year’s day, Emily?’

‘John, I feel reassured. There is continuity and coherence in the world today, there is a pattern and a reliable center. I feel like this attack reinforces for all of us a deeper sense of meaning, a kind of consistency in human behavior. Not all is lost. You may not count on much, but these events are here to stay.’

‘Ooookay, Emily. That’s one way of looking at it… Let’s rather focus on your new year’s resolution. How do you feel about the year to come? Time to shed a few pounds?’

‘John, I nurture a lot of hope for the future, but at the same time, one has to stay grounded. So all I can say is that I wish for the meds to work and may none of my texts be left in the limbo of ‘seen’. Is it really too much to ask?

‘Alright. Maybe this was a mistake… Happy New Year everybody!’

‘Happy New Year!’

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