Area Man Finds Novel Way to Combat Seasonal Depression

Clarksville, MD. After years of struggling with seasonal depression during the winter months, area man Reginald Solomon, 47, discovered an effective method to battle this debilitating condition. Solomon, a CFO for a fortune 500 company, describes his epiphany. “I was sitting in my study, which is attached to the east wing of my 10,200 square foot compound. Clarksville winters can be rough, and on this particular day, the illegal immigrant who usually de-ices my driveway was unable to make it work due to his infant son passing away from hypothermia overnight. I wasn’t able to leave my mansion! That’s when it hit me like a ton of gold bullion. ‘Solomon, why don’t you spend the next few months in your chateau in Naples or your lavish ocean-view mansion in Costa Rica!’ I immediately chartered a helicopter to take me to the airport, and eight hours later I was de-planing from my Gulf Jetstream in much warmer climes. I also fired my driveway de-icer, which helped lighten my mood.” In an effort to share this revelation with others, Solomon plans to tour the country in a series of speaking engagements to relate his results. Tickets start at $1,000 per seat.

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