Has the weekend you solemnly promised to perform household chores come and gone two weekends ago? Are you one of those people who really, really mean to scrub, wash and rinse, but you feel there are some facets of your favorite cartoon character’s psychology that still elude you or realize you are actually out of Ayurvedic cinnamon incense sticks you don’t even like?
Don’t worry. We have good news for you!
British scientists have discovered a direct correlation between procrastination and a productivity boost in domestic chores performance. Dr. Cleanalot clarifies:
– Basically, the longer you postpone washing the dishes or doing laundry, dusting, vacuuming, the longer it will take you to do it, thus your productivity increases exponentially. You follow my drift?
– Well, not really, but I’m sure it must make sense to someone.
– Totally. We’re making so much progress in the field of housekeeping nowadays. It’s gonna help millions of people struggling with delaying tactics.
– I was wondering, Dr. Cleanalot, wouldn’t it just be easier to get it all done at once, just rip it off like a band aid? Be a man, say, once a week?
– Actually, women are the ones suffering the most from this condition (DCPS – Domestic Chore Procrastination Syndrome –Ed.), so acting like a man doesn’t really help in this case.
– Interesting, Dr. Cleanalot. There is this misconception nowadays in society, that women deal with housework, while men don’t. We’re past that, aren’t we? What do your findings say?
– That is the world of yesterday, Mr. Shambles. Besides, contrary to common belief, careful analysis has shown that women are much messier and more reluctant towards cleaning than men are. It’s a whole new perspective we’re throwing at you here. One job, gals. One job.
– Well, Dr. Cleanalot. It’s not like there’s any instruction in the Leviticus on cleaning windows.
– That’s right, Mr. Shambles. There isn’t. That’s precisely why we want to fill this gap with scientific data.
– What else do your studies show?
– The slower you are at cleaning, the longer it takes, as already established. This results in a boost of self-esteem. It proves you know long term dedication, consistency and hard work. And let’s admit it, breaks are the best part of anyone’s day!
– What’s your personal cleaning style, Dr. Cleanalot?
– Oh, I am afraid I don’t fall into any of the four established categories of cleaners: dismissive-avoidants, overly enthusiasts, pile up engineers and methodical operators. I reckon I am rather a delegator. We’re currently working on a study which proves the benefits of this personality type: job creation, an increase in free time and higher birth rates. It’s still very fresh though, I couldn’t give you any more details at the moment.
– No, wow, that’s so very interesting. I’m so happy to have had the chance to talk to you. Thank you for being here. One last piece of advice for our readers?
– It’s what I tell everybody when they ask me for tips. When it comes to cleaning, you gotta listen to your heart. Don’t pay attention to what anybody’s telling you to do. Just take a deep look inside and you’ll know if you’re meant to be smothered under a pile of clothes or if it’s time to fold them carefully and put them back in the closet. Just do you!
– Dan, that’s so deep.