Everything you know about cancer is wrong. The healing power of plastic figurines*

Ancient wisdom and healing techniques never fail when it comes to firing up the imagination of our contemporaries. These techniques have been around for thousands of years helping humanity move forward in times of need. In India as well as in China and other smaller countries too small to remember, Buddhist and not Buddhist monks have used alternative medicinal methods with an incredible rate of success. Among healing crystals and round balls of something green that bring positive energy to your home and health, luck and love to all your friends, carefully discriminating those you feel animosity towards, a new technique has come into fashion lately.

The healing power of plastic figurines has been carefully tested and proven to work by many a devoted believer. Whether cancer, heart disease or your scheduled annual mental breakdown, looking at a plastic figurine, touching it, petting it is bound to cure it all within a week. In severe or terminal cases, experts recommend holding the small figurines in the palm of your hand and kissing them softly for ten to twenty seconds at least three times a day.

The figurines can be purchased in local stores or in some cases they might even lie around on your living room floor. Ask your children.

Attention! Legos have proven to be inefficient when it comes to healing diseases. Their main function remains to explore new levels of pain when stepping on them barefooted. Don’t expect spiritual advancement from that sort of pain either.

Rapacious pharmaceutical companies will try to keep this truth hidden from you in order to obtain great personal gain. Open your eyes! Do not trust them! Try it out for yourself.

Kiss a figurine today and live forever.

*Choking hazard. Use at own discretion

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