The five stages of getting out of bed in the morning
*Based on real-life events
1. Denial
The alarm goes off. Seriously? No way. This isn’t happening. I turn it off. It will go away.
2. Anger
Except it doesn’t and the alarm goes off again. You gotta be fucking kidding me. If you don’t stop, I’m going to punch you straight in the face, you snoozovabitch.
3. Bargaining
Okay, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to. We’re friends. My bad, I take it back. Forgive me. But! If you give me 10 more minutes, I’m gonna get out of bed, I promise. Give me ten minutes and we’re good.
4. Depression
Really? That passed already? Fine. Fine. You win. I’ll just stare at the ceiling with my eyes closed for a while. Whatever.
5. Acceptance
How long until death?
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