Budapest. Hungary. A new wine bar has opened its doors to the public this autumn. The ‘Bittersweet Traveller’ promises a cozy atmosphere, quality wines, and also to balance out the Kebab invasion of Budapest. ‘We’re ambitious, I know’, the bar owner Mr. László Tokaj admits. ‘We’re trying to draw people to this place with live music, amazing decor and a fun, ingenious wine menu. We’re really focused on detail. That’s what makes the difference. Take a look!’
We expect you Monday to Sunday from 18:00 to 3:00 in Akácfa utca 47 with a solution to every problem.
Mazel Tov! Cheers! Santé! Egészségedre!
Tocqueville. Florida. “I absolutely needed to hear the end of that story.”, Courtney Ann Williams, neighbor and friend to fabulous storyteller Delena Johnson confirms. “It is nothing short of a 90s thriller, you know, the ones with an actual storyline.”
“First she started to tell me this thing about Joe, our neighbor from across the street. She’s seen him a couple of days ago at the supermarket. He was about to get in his car when … Oh, I’m so sorry, you probably don’t have all day to hear this story. Well, it so happens that Joe has a sister, Jessica. Yes, she is really, really nice, but sometimes a bit unfair to Joe. I remember his 26th birthday party, about 5 years ago, where she… Here I go again. Sorry. It’s just that the story would be incomplete without all these additional background details of Joe, his family, his pets and his math teacher. And by math teacher I mean Miss Delaware, his 5th grade teacher, because during Joe’s 6th grade she decided to pursue a different career. That’s when Mr. Washington stepped in. He was not as interesting as Miss Delaware, but talented enough to determine Joe to take a moderate interest in mathematics. No, math was not his favorite subject in school. Joe has always been dedicated body and soul to animals, biology, that sort of stuff. So, you must imagine Delena’s shock when she saw him getting into his car the other day at the supermarket. Oh my goodness, you must have seen her face. For Chrissake, please excuse me. You probably don’t care at all about Joe and this weird thing that happened. It’s not like you know Joe. But I do and well everyone knows a Joe, so when Delena started telling the story I found it so gripping that I just could not miss a single detail: the colour of Miss Delaware’s hair, Joe’s favorite pets, the contents of his grocery cart and the incredible reunion that took place in the parking lot. After all those years, can you imagine?! Juuuuuice-aaay!!!”
We interrupt this stream of consciousness to inform you that around 10:30 pm Courtney Ann decided it was impossible to listen to the complete story without taking a day off from work. She immediately called her supervisor, inspite of the risqué hour, and let him know that something urgent had come up. She would not be able to make it to work the following day. Mr. Brandon, who at the time of the call was engaging in customarily frowned upon behavior with Mrs. Robinson, head of HR, immediately approved the leave of absence despite its short notice, falsely reassuring Courtney Ann of the flexibility and open mindedness of the management. A win-win scenario with two corporate happy endings. But back to the story.
“So, what actually happened, and I’m cutting to the chase here, is that Delena saw Joe getting in his car with nobody else than Miss Delaware. Molly. After all these years!!! Good Lord! But why? Well, of course, unlike the Church, Donald Trump or termination letters, we do have the answer to that question.”
Courtney Ann paused a fraction of a second to draw breath.
“Miss Delaware came back to see Joe after all these years in order to make up for a mistake from long ago. It turns out once in 5th grade, shortly before Miss Delaware left school, the kids were asked to bring their pets to class. It was the annual Bring Your Pet To Class Day. Yes, there is such a thing. Well, looks like Joe’s dog was the cutest thing ever. An awesome rescue closely related to Chewbacca. Miss Delaware loved it so much that she basically pressured Joe into giving Chewbuck up so she could take it home to HER son! Who does that, OMG?! Right?!! So, you’ll never believe it but she came back after all these years to make good on her questionable behavior from before. Delena saw her in the parking lot with a puppy. She couldn’t really hear what they were talking about, but for sure she must have apologized for her previous immature decision. The new dog albeit unrelated to Chewbacca, seemed like a distant cousin of Alf from Melmac. Good enough, Joe must have thought to himself. Delena and I go as far as to think the pup was actually an upgrade. Of course, he accepted Molly’s apology and the little puppy. Such a cute little thing!! So yeah, in a few words, that’s what happened. Now you probably wonder what Joe’s sister has got to do with this story, right?”
“Sit down. I’ll brew us some tea.”
Written by Ana-Maria Taut, based on an idea by Florin Taut.
Glasgow. United Kingdom. No, this is not a tale of the jazz age by F. Scott Fitzgerald, it is the shocking reality determined by a groundbreaking study performed at the University of Glasgow. After a careful look into unpopular and outdated baby names, the researchers found the root cause of them passing into oblivion and it`s not what you think.
“Names such as Bertram, Clarence, Hiram or Elmer are names which one does not come across very often these days, but it is not because they have been forgotten. It is because children whose parents opt for these names are already 80 years old at birth.”, Ph.D. Tom Buchanan reveals.
“We are searching for the causal link between the two and doubtless, it is going to be a long and painstaking process, but our human subjects, if anything, are only getting younger.” Ph.D. Amory Blaine, a fellow researcher, adds.
“It is important to mention that this phenomenon is not restricted to our wonderfully green Caledonia. We have identified similar cases in Germany among newborns who carry the names Wolfgang, Willibald or Kunibert, as well as in Spain among babies named Arquimimo, Leovigildo or Fulgencio. We have uncovered a variety of cases affecting baby boys and are yet to analyze how this phenomenon affects female newborns.”, Ph.D. Nicole Diver emphasizes.
Researchers are reluctant to make recommendations as to whether parents should keep naming their children as previously mentioned before there is solid proof that it’s all in the name. “Personally, I would opt again and again for the old school version and the vintage baby look to the detriment of fresh creations of the hyperactive human imagination such as Jaydien, Sketch or Zebulon.”, Tu Morrow Hashtag, parent of one of the elderly babies stated for The Morning Sunset late this afternoon.
Witten by Ana-Maria Taut, based on an idea by Anonymous.
Zürich. Switzerland. Street Parade, one of the biggest house and techno street party in the world, did not fail to take participants by surprise once again. The 2019 edition brought a lot of fun, rhythmical noises identified as music and a health conscious pill popping session.
Pharmacists in the Zürich area reported a 200% increase in Vitamin C sales over the weekend. “This is an unprecedented event under these circumstances.”, Doris Sodium, a senior pharmacist explains. “I believe over the years people realized that keeping your body healthy and well nourished is the best way to maintain a high quality of life. The benefits of vitamin C are an indisputable fact. Its antioxidant qualities and boost to the immune system make vitamin C a superstar among vitamins. We are glad to see the population pop the right kind of pills.”
Colin Cane, a party-goer from Ireland, justifies his personal choice: “I decided to take vitamin C during my stay here for a fully energized experience. To be able to enjoy this weekend to the best of my abilities, I felt the need of external aid. Of course, there were other options, but why harm my body while having fun? After this great weekend, I’m thinking about what to experiment with next year: a vitamin B complex, activated charcoal, calcium? The sky is the limit. Not to mention the beneficial economic impact on my wallet.”
The party and the organizers received rave reviews from participants who mentioned the use of vitamin C as one of the highlights of the fun packed weekend.
Kale chips, broccoli burgers and more dietary supplements are on the menu for next year.
Zürich. Switzerland. In an attempt to survive the unbearable heatwave that turned Europe into a red hot chili pepper, area woman Bethli Huber decided to move temporarily to the family kitchen. After a couple of hours spent in the sink cooling down under the running water, Bethli decided to take a nap in the fridge.
“I just can’t take it anymore. We closed our blinds, we pulled the curtains and it still felt like the Kalahari. That’s when I knew I belonged in the upper shelf of our refrigerator. Right by the cheeses. Additionally, I might try the salad drawer right under the wine dispenser.”
Bethli recommends that others try this simple and cost-effective temperature management technique. “Of course it’s not the most comfortable place to be, but it is a great environment to chill and reflect on all the times plastic landed in the wrong place (also) because of you. Luckily, the chocolate is nearby, ready to provide a quick endorphin boost to balance the (much needed) self-critical moment.“
Asked when she plans to return to her bedroom, Bethli informed us that most probably sometime in the beginning of October, when temperatures will finally go down from 45 degrees Celsius to at least 38. Yaaaay!
Bern. Switzerland. Mr. Benjamin Wuf, Head of the Federal Department of Ridiculously Cute Canines, announced in a short press conference on Wednesday morning, June 26, a tightening of the inter-cantonal export regulations for Bernese Mountain Dogs.
“After careful consideration (and a quick referendum) we have come to the conclusion that Bernese Mountain Dogs should participate in a language or dialect class before being relocated to cantons outside of Bern. This helps improve dogs’ social lives, their ability to grow and develop within the dog and human community and why not, successfully participate in the Swiss Countdown Word Game.”, Mr. Wuf elaborated.
“It is only fair that these good-natured, sweet and loving creatures maintain their innate self-confidence by being given the ability to express themselves properly. You don’t want to put such majestic beings in a position where they are not able to understand their human companion, take commands or, depending on the circumstances, give commands themselves. It is uncomfortable enough that we humans are having a hard time understanding all the dialects of the language we conventionally refer to as German.”, Ella Caynain Ph.D. in Dog Psychology explains.
Four pups have already been enrolled in Züritüütsch classes where they will study the Zürich dialect for 2 months before being allowed to move to their new human companions across Bernese borders.
The unpronounceable Bernese greeting “Grüessech” is slowly starting to morph into the lighter Zürich version of “Grüzi” for Samson, Rex, Leika and Ramona. Next week the four pawed Smartipants are scheduled to analyze works by Gottfried Keller and Jeremias Gotthelf, classes over which they already expressed a great deal of woof-woof-xcitement.
Uster. Switzerland. A severe storm was expected to hit the Eastern Swiss town of Uster yesterday, June 20, at 18:00 (#). Little did this common weather phenomenon know that you do not come and go as you please when one or more Swiss individuals are waiting for you.
At 18:02 locals started calling the emergency hotline in order to report that despite the strong, promising winds, not a drop of rain had fallen. A wave of shock quickly spread throughout the population, dispelled only by the authorities’ prompt intervention and reassurance that action will be taken.
“We contacted the local weather station and are waiting for detailed reports on this unfortunate situation. Additionally, we have fined the unpunctual, rebellious rain that failed to produce excitement this afternoon a total of 302,495 Fr. You don’t get to disrupt people’s activities without any good reason and get away with it. Let’s see if the storm will like playing hard to get next time. Camélie Nimbus, Head of the Department for Meteorological Offences stated.
“Moreover, as of now, storms are obliged to partake in monthly instructional classes at any Swiss train station in order to become more familiarized with the concept of punctuality. Have you ever taken a train in Switzerland? I strongly recommend you do.”, Ms. Nimbus continued with suspicion in her eyes.
Apparently the storm caught wind of the unpleasant situation and decided to cross the border into Germany, where punctuality crimes are a bit less expensive than in Switzerland.
Written by Ana-Maria Taut, based on an idea by Anonymous.